jt, fiddy cent and some histrionic fans

•July 2, 2007 • 1 Comment

It’s truly heading towards the sunset of my time in Ireland and soon I will be braving the horrible, long, cramped flight home – leaving behind Miss GreenEyes and everything else.

In order to get some cash before starting work in Australia again, I decided to work as a doctor at the Justin Timberlake (JT) concert (supported by 50 cent) for an obscene amount of money – I love concert promoters! Now, I’ll just stop here and say for the record that I probably wouldn’t have gone to this concert if I wasn’t getting paid…The choice, however, was easy. I could have been working at Joe Cocker. A crowd of (probably) fifty somethings sedately grooving away to his dulcit tones; versus 30,000 girls under thirty – hmmm. Of course, sadly, the majority were also younger than 18, but never mind.

Ireland turned on its best summer rain and the punters their best party dresses and stilletos whilst I donned my secret service radio earpiece, all access pass and stethoscope so I could wander between first-aid tents calming hyperventilating, tearful, drunk girls and look at twisted knees - ’I was watching my ‘boyfriend’ on stage (JT) and fell off a wall!’ was the excuse of the night. Fortunately, it wasn’t a busy evening and the kind first-aid officers did most of the work of sitting people down, giving them water and paper bags to breathe into. The majority of them weren’t too sick as they would rush out of the first-aid tent wrapped in their warming space blankets to rejoin the throng when their favourite song started playing! Similarly, my fears that a very healthy JT would suffer a mid-performance cardiac arrest (probably due to a congenital heart defect or some such) was ill-founded and the closest we got to anyone famous was someone in the production team suffering from diarrhoea!

In all I saw three patients…three…Seven hours, a set by 50 Cent and Justin Timberlake’s entire show for three patients – brilliant!

should I just have the penicillin now then?

•June 25, 2007 • 6 Comments

flr_39.jpg

I’ve just finished up at St Elsewhere’s in Dublin with mixed feelings. The work was good, the people even better, the patients often anecdote-worthy.

They called me from the short-stay unit in the emergency department to discharge a girl who had been waiting for Gynaecology review. She had come in with lower abdominal pain, which was probably consistent with a cyst or maybe even an infection ‘down below’. I wasn’t overly busy so I popped in to see her, answer any questions she might have and send her home…easy. Her chart showed the ultrasound, examination results from the Gynaecology team, nothing too serious that a course of antibiotics wouldn’t clear up.

When I went to her bedside the nurse had just taken out her drip, she was sitting there with an expectant look on her face, prescriptions in hand ready to get out the door.

‘Hi, I’m Ben, one of the A&E doctors. I understand you’ve been seen by the Gynae team. Everything sorted out then?’

‘Ummm, yes. But these are the same antibiotics the family planning service put me on.’

I grabbed the prescription with a frown undoubtedly creasing my forehead in a vain attempt at concern.

‘How long were you on them before?’

‘5 days.’

‘Oh, well you really should be on them for 10-14 days. I guess part of the problem is that…er…whatever was wrong was only partially treated. Hopefully these will ‘knock it on the head’ for you and you won’t have any further troubles.’

‘Oh cool, cool.’

‘Anything else I can help you with, any questions?’ (I really have to stop asking this!)

‘Will you marry me?’

‘Ummm, that’s lovely but generally I like to get to know people before I marry them…’

‘Ok, well I’ll take you out to dinner then.’

Sweat forming on my brow, probably beading on my upper lip too ‘It sounds lovely really, but my girlfriend probably wouldn’t appreciate it, but thank-you.’

I bade a hasty retreat.

Mental note to anyone, anywhere, thinking of hitting on your doctor, nurse.etc when you have presented to hospital with a sexually transmitted infection; just don’t.

break

•June 17, 2007 • 1 Comment

Sorry for the lack of posts. I have just returned from a brief weekend in London catching up with friends and the ex (sigh). Now heading off to Croatia for a week with Miss GreenEyes. Call it a bit of a last hurrah. Will write again soon…

last memory before you die

•June 7, 2007 • 3 Comments

It was a busy night in St Elsewhere’s, my last night shift at the hospital. It was always going to be, the first ‘business’ day after a bank holiday weekend. It was just madness.

During the night an emaciated man came in by ambulance, the reek of feet and urine followed him like the wavy smell lines from Pig Pen in Charlie Brown comics. He had called the ambulance himself complaining of being non-specifically unwell. When they arrived he was found in a house full of empty soft-drink bottles; not the greatest given that he was a diabetic. Aside from being a little bit dehydrated and having a high sugar, he was fine. Most of us presumed he was in a mild case of Diabetic Ketoacidosis. I’ll stop here for a second. Most medical people will say that there really isn’t such a thing as a mild case; there are degrees, but I digress. His pulse wasn’t too rapid, his breathing was at a normal rate and all his other vital signs were normal. As such, we bumped him up the triage list to be seen sooner, but given the sheer volume of patients in the dept. it would still be a while before we got to him.

He was parked opposite the nurses station on a monitor. Intermittently he would pretend to have a seizure, which would remit when we walked into his cubicle and told him to ’stop it’. At some point during the night, just about all of our staff had walked in at one point and told him to stop being ridiculous and attention seeking!

As it turned out, it was a while before he was seen by one of the doctors. Bloods were taken, we checked the acidity of his blood (normal) and started him on an insulin drip (to replace the insulin which diabetics can’t produce on their own). After being seen by the doctor, he became increasingly obnoxious and demanding, which resulted in more stern words from us and veiled threats of calling the police to have him removed…Still his vital signs were normal. His blood tests came back…His electrolytes were all out of whack in a way that would be incompatible with life. His kidneys had failed. He had had some damage to his heart and his sugar level was the highest I have ever seen. He was promptly moved into our resuscitation area where we could more aggressively treat him. By this stage it was morning, the day staff were just coming on, torpor had set in from a night that had been literally non-stop over 12 hours.

‘Registrar to resus, registrar to resus.’

It’s a call over the loud-speaker in the dept. which usually means that the proverbial had hit the fan. It had.

Our man had suffered a cardiac arrest. The man we had been rude, abrupt and dismissive to had died. He was difficult to intubate as vomit was cascading out of his mouth with CPR. After 10mins we got him back…just…We tidied him up a bit, continued to aggressively attempt to correct everything that was wrong…he had another cardiac arrest…we got him back again…We sent him to the intensive care unit where he had a further cardiac arrest…

All night he had watched us walking past him, occasionally rudely telling him to ’settle down’, ‘be quiet’ or just plainly ’stop it’. All night his body had been slowly shutting down. All night it felt like we didn’t do much about it.

childhood

•May 30, 2007 • 5 Comments

‘…he thinks, and knows it’s just a dawn thought, and after-dreaming thought. But it’s nice to think so for awhile in the morning’s clean silence, to think that childhood has it’s own sweet secrets and confirms mortality, and that mortality defines all courage and love. To think that all that looks forward must also look back, and that each life makes its own imitation of immortality: a wheel. Or so [he] sometimes thinks on those early mornings after dreaming, when he almost remembers his childhood, and the friends with whom he shared it…’

- Stephen King ‘It’

A post by Femme Fontanelle made me think of my childhood; and before you all hastily click on to whatever site you were planning on visiting next, think about your childhood, be it good, bad, indifferent, exciting, full of mystery, whatever. My family lived in a close-nit, small, middle class suburb North of Sydney. I was lucky enough to have two elder brothers, who gave me guidance and wisdom in some form or another, and lots of friends my age to challenge it. Nonetheless, the security blanket of past experience provided by them allowed me to find my place in the world with relative ease.

Our street and neighbourhood was very much like a soap opera set, and it wasto a certain extent. The street was made up of families with children all around our age; so weeknights (until 5pm when Mum would ring a bell to call us in for dinner) were spent with the neighbourhood children getting up to mischief. Weekends were our own and from Friday evening until late on Sunday we would be roaming the suburb or exploring deep into the national park. On the warm summer evenings we would stay out late and play ’spotlight’, ‘wreck the A’ (whose rules are so obscure and faded in history that I can’t really explain them) or sit in someone’s rumpus room watching videos occasionally pretending we were playing musical instruments to whatever late 80’s hit was going round – the soundtrack to our lives.

We were fortunate in that bordering our back fence was 500 square kilometres of native bushland, which formed out extended back yard. Many afternoons, days, evenings were spent walking it’s narrow paths a stick held in front of you to snag the inevitable massive spiderwebs. There was nothing like spending 8 hours trekking through the bush, occasionally traversing and wading through eel infested waters (yes really), dodging ‘the big kids’ and finally staging a raid on the local Girl Guides camp to bring people together. There were many days when we would be running screaming through the undergrowth, breathless with excitement, arms and legs leaden with adrenaline, whilst a caretaker screamed after us in an old beaten up truck. We knew the paths of the national park almost blindfolded so we could always lose him in the trees, but not completely, because it was much more thrilling to be hiding metres away, gasping quietly hearing him rant and swear threats into the ether. We never did get into anything seriously destructive. Accidentally but stupidly, breaking a despised neighbour’s window as a teenager. The occasional rock fight and pranks on hated members of the street were as serious as it got.

I would never be so cliched as to say they were the best years of my life, because they weren’t, they were just good years. Don’t get me wrong, my childhood was great, but like many others it was punctuated with horrible terms like ‘divorce’. It wasn’t just my family either. We watched as other families, friends of ours, ebbed and flowed with the relationships of their parents. The street was in a state of flux, some families came and went, some family members changed and sadly others stayed the same. We witnessed it all with our child’s eyes. We held hushed discussions at night sitting in the middle of our cul-de-sac. The wonderful thing about being a child, is that one is never given credit for one’s intelligence. It is presumed that you see but you don’t understand. We witnessed the burgeoning relationship between the spouses of two different families. We knew their meeting schedule as well as they did. We flew under their radar. It was years before it became ‘public’ but it was old news to us.

I think the best thing about my childhood was that some lifelong friendships have evolved from it. We knew each other from birth and have grown up together facing life’s challenges along the way. Some have fallen by the wayside, others have moved on to bigger and better things, or just had kids and started the cycle again. We laughed. We knew each other’s houses as well as our own. The street was ours, we were invincible. I miss that feeling of indestructibility. I miss the lack of consequences and the ability to forget which day of the week it was, without worrying that I have been drinking too much or have had a minor stroke. Most of all I miss my friends as they were, carefree, rambunctious, naive, old, innocent and loyal.

sin city (the forgotten post)

•May 24, 2007 • 3 Comments

‘Should I go to heaven, give me…a vaulting red walled casino with bright lights, bring on horned devils as dealers. Let there be a Pit Boss in the Sky who will give me unlimited credit…[and] decree that the Players have for all eternity, an Edge against The House…’

-Mario Puzo, Inside Las Vegas

Flying in to Vegas is like travelling through a martian landscape. Endless dusty brown plains extend across to the horizon and one can imagine baking heat and gritty wind turning one’s mouth crunchy and eyes watery. There are small gatherings of houses clumped in the middle of nowhere, with only dirt roads ribboning their way through the landscape; then Vegas appears. From 30,000 feet it looks initially like someone has trampled heavily on a bottle in the dirt – small glints on the horizon are reflected from numerous windows. Slowly street grids appear then houses and the obligatory olive green golf fairways. Little verdant patches on an otherwise horribly bleak plain. The Stratosphere Tower is the first recognisable building from a distance, then the rest of the strip slowly edges into view. Landing at McCarran Airport, the strip looks almost ridiculously tiny. All the hotels one has seen in the movies or on TV shows are there, but seem childlike. It is only when you catch the taxi into town proper, that you realise that the hotels themselves are enormous – stupidly large.

I met UKdoc in the lobby of Circus Circus when I arrived. Certainly not the most luxurious of locales, but certainly a good starting place for the carnage that was to follow on the obligatory lads week! Sadly I had missed the first few days due to rostering at St Elsehwere’s, but even after an 11 hour trip was very keen to get involved. It turned out that UKdoc had already lost a fair amount trying to recreate Bond’s efforts in Casino Royale, but was still keen to spend up, with the UK pound comparing more than favourably with the US dollar.

At street level, the glitz of vegas turns a little more ‘real’. Every 20m or so, a bunch of Mexicans will slap cards together or click their fingers to get your attention, at which point they thrust cards into your hands. Each has a different advertisement for an escort. Of course, prostitution is illegal in Nevada, so these ladies are ‘escorts’! It seems strange in a town built on its Sin City reputation, that has pornographic magazine dispensers on the street and which in every casino (no matter how reputable) has some form of burlesque show, that prostitution is still somewhat hidden and a thin veneer of family values remains. Really there’s no hiding it, Vegas is built on money and sex and generally one leads to the other…so I hear…

When travelling with a group of lads, it seems that days in Vegas are spent sleeping, with the ‘real’ action starting as the sun goes down and the neon cranks up. For several days we basically drank and gambled, with a brief stop to the Native American side of the Grand Canyon (such culture buffs). We wandered from bar to bar revelling in the freedom that public drinking can provide, disoriented by the endless avenues of slot machines and felt clad tables; unnerved by the throngs pushing us this way and that. Going with the flow led us in endless complicated circles, briefly punctuated by free drinks served by scantily clad cocktail waitresses. Everywhere indoors looked eerily the same, yet disconcertingly different. It was an LSD trip without the drug. It took me days to realise that Vegas itself was the drug, delivered by glitzy mountainous casinos, intoxicating and euphoric.

Every night, after a long and somewhat annoying and noisy foray through several different parts of the casino, finally finding the hidden entrance to the accommodation, I’d retire to my enormous bed. When I shut my eyes there was dancing neon, my ears clamoured from the techno beeping of the casino floor and my fingers twitched, forever tapping the felt for that extra lucky hit.

clucky

•May 24, 2007 • 3 Comments

I was chatting to one of the other doctors at work the other day. He had taken some time off for the birth of his first child, whom he has christened (jokingly) ’smally’. His face lit up when he described the difference she had made on their lives, and the joy she had brought into the family. The radiance in his smile, his far-off gaze and the obvious affection he displayed when talking about his daughter was infectious. I sat there feeling every minute of my age (which isn’t that old mind you) and the preciousness of time. Then, for the first time ever, I felt clucky. The horror.

perks?

•May 24, 2007 • 3 Comments

I’d finished my shift the other night so I thought I would cash-in one of the perks of being a doctor and working in a hospital; and I don’t mean that I stole a wad of drugs rather than going to the pharmacy (although that is handy)…rather I asked one of the surgical SHO’s to cut out a small haemangioma that was on my knee and had been annoying me for the past week. Sadly, it bled like stink and has continued to do so. Not to mention I can’t bend my leg properly for fear of bursting the stitches.

Bugger.

lightweight

•May 15, 2007 • 5 Comments

This is ridiculous. I have drunk 2 glasses of wine waiting for Miss GreenEyes to come over for dinner and I’m feeling…well…a little tipsy. Yes tipsy. It’s embarrassing really, I thought Ireland had turned me into a hardened drinking machine.

Must be coming down with something…that must be it.

kiss and make-up

•May 12, 2007 • 6 Comments

It was late on my 4pm-2am shift (yes I know, it’s a bizarre shift, much worse to work it though). We had one lady in her mid-40’s who had presented and then absconded three times in the last 24hrs. Each time she came in drunk. After she had slept and sobered up enough to wander out she would make her way to some off licence, drink more beer, and then get brought in by ambulance again so she could sleep somewhere comfortable.

At about midnight another lady in her mid-30s came in, also profoundly drunk and very obnoxious. We decided to park each of them on either side of the nurses station where we could all keep an eye on them and they could sleep it off. Sadly instead they decided to have a drunken, blazing, incoherent row, which was stopped only with the intervention of security.

Over the next hour or so they pottered back and forwards to the toilet, not really paying much heed to each other, until the younger girl decided to follow the older lady to the bathroom ‘to apologise’. We were very busy, and it was a little while until it was noted that no-one had seen or heard anything for a while so we went to investigate…the toilet door was ajar…strange noises emanated…two drunken, dirty, vomit stained women were making out in a rather lurid and graphic way. For our own sanity, we had to sedate them both.

Sadly that image is now indelibly printed on my cortex…